In life you will find situations that will make you angry. It is what you do next that makes a difference. I myself am so tired of certain extended relatives and non-relatives feeling that they need to "have it out" and think that will clear the air; harboring on old matters that were supposed to be cleared up and a whole year later no less. Do they not realize it's physically and emotionally unhealthy to keep their negative emotions all bottled up. The dysfunctional ways in which family have related to each other with this situation by pretending nothing is going on is ridiculous.
I have realized that dealing with difficult relatives requires activating two skills, discernment and diplomacy. I myself cannot control how others act and behave but I do know that I can control my own behavior and how I invest time in my family. I know that I have many strong, supportive family members with whom I do have relationships with. They are happy and healthy relationships, and people with whom I spend my time with. I have chosen that for me it is not worth the time or energy to invest in people who after knowing me for forty years would do and say the nasty things they have done.
I have never claimed perfection in myself. I have accepted what responsibility I had and sent a very sincere apology to someone who is my elder to try and resolve this issue especially since this person should never have involved themselves in the situation. I would have also expected a sincere apology back. Did that happen, no! Why because this person felt the need to keep harboring the whole situation on and on while taking it out on other extended family and friends who had nothing to do with it. That is just wrong! My family had just had a death in the family at the time and if they think I was going to partake in continuing the situation further, they are wrong. Life is too short. I deleted the message they sent and moved on. What I believe is not realized by this person though, is the hurt and anger was both ways not just one. Which again, I completely took my responsibility for. There was nothing else I could do from that point. If what I said is not satisfactory enough for them, there is nothing else I can do. I will not beg. I believe if there was/is a solid foundation with someone, people can forgive and move on, which I have done. I have no worries since, and have carried on with my life realizing there is just no way I can change a difficult relative. I do have control over creating a healthy, connected family dynamic which I have done with other family members. So please move on already and let it go or you can continue to harbor the matter and be a bitter person but remember you will do that alone!
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
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