Friday, October 1, 2010

Breaking My Silence

In life you will find situations that will make you angry. It is what you do next that makes a difference. I myself am so tired of certain extended relatives and non-relatives feeling that they need to "have it out" and think that will clear the air; harboring on old matters that were supposed to be cleared up and a whole year later no less. Do they not realize it's physically and emotionally unhealthy to keep their negative emotions all bottled up. The dysfunctional ways in which family have related to each other with this situation by pretending nothing is going on is ridiculous.

I have realized that dealing with difficult relatives requires activating two skills, discernment and diplomacy. I myself cannot control how others act and behave but I do know that I can control my own behavior and how I invest time in my family. I know that I have many strong, supportive family members with whom I do have relationships with. They are happy and healthy relationships, and people with whom I spend my time with. I have chosen that for me it is not worth the time or energy to invest in people who after knowing me for forty years would do and say the nasty things they have done.

I have never claimed perfection in myself. I have accepted what responsibility I had and sent a very sincere apology to someone who is my elder to try and resolve this issue especially since this person should never have involved themselves in the situation. I would have also expected a sincere apology back. Did that happen, no! Why because this person felt the need to keep harboring the whole situation on and on while taking it out on other extended family and friends who had nothing to do with it. That is just wrong! My family had just had a death in the family at the time and if they think I was going to partake in continuing the situation further, they are wrong. Life is too short. I deleted the message they sent and moved on. What I believe is not realized by this person though, is the hurt and anger was both ways not just one. Which again, I completely took my responsibility for. There was nothing else I could do from that point. If what I said is not satisfactory enough for them, there is nothing else I can do. I will not beg. I believe if there was/is a solid foundation with someone, people can forgive and move on, which I have done. I have no worries since, and have carried on with my life realizing there is just no way I can change a difficult relative. I do have control over creating a healthy, connected family dynamic which I have done with other family members. So please move on already and let it go or you can continue to harbor the matter and be a bitter person but remember you will do that alone!

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:31-32




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2 comments:

  1. It takes a big person to forgive and move on..to truly forgive..sometimes I think people need to look up the meaning of forgive.As you say it should be forgotten and move on-if you have a solid foundation in the relationship to begin with..It sounds like you have a lot of insight into who you are and know the true meaning of forgiveness.Unfortunately for the bitter,they are doomed to repeat this lesson over and over if and until they learn..it is sad because as you said life is short-move on..where will it get you in the end..good luck..thanks for sharing.I see the beauty of your soul and who you are as a person whenever you post from your blog.It is so nice to see that there are still people out there who know what is important in life..god bless..good music btw :)

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  2. I have realized just in the last few years, life is way to short to focus on the negative and we miss so much when we do so!!! =) All you can do is move on in your direction. If others choose not to...then that is their decision. I have had dealings in my family as well and sometimes it is hard to handle, but we manage. I always forgive, but sometimes, it is hard to forget. =) God bless! Love the music by the way!

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