Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Depression: They Just Will Never “Get It”

I am learning from therapy and life that if you decide to share something important with someone, or try to amend a broken relationship, you should do so without any expectation of a response or at least the response you were really looking for.  I really wish I followed that advice when I sent a group of family/friends an incredibly personal piece that I wrote about the severe depression -- suicidal thoughts and all, all with hopes it would help those people to maybe, just maybe understand me better.

I shared myself,  a very personal side of myself.  What I did get from some was the utmost support that I will cherish always.  The rest of the people I reached out too, especially some family members were shocking to say the least.   We support you just not they way you want.  Who says that?  They may as well have dug a hole in the ground for me to jump in to.  It hurt so much they couldn’t just "get it!"  All I ever expected was what I got from a handful of people that did take what I wrote seriously.  It was that they “got it”-- the whole depression thing or they were willing to listen further to understand.  That they knew I have been going through a lot.  They were compassionate and supportive.   They were glad I shared with them what I had been through and were there to tell me  "I support you in any way I can.” if it will help you feel better.

And when I didn’t get that from the others, especially certain family members, I was really upset and hurt.  I just assumed they would get it.  What I have come to realize especially with depression is most people just don’t get it.   I was venting to a  cousin who get’s me totally. It was especially after a rude remark from someone saying “oh she changed…it must be the medications she is on.”  and some other idiotic remarks.  For someone to say the things they did  it was quite disheartening.  How dare they.   My cousin has said this to me this over and over again many times.  His exact words were “People just don’t get depression.  Remember that and you will be less disappointed.”  I told my cousin, “no one understands me just a small handful.  You, my parents, my one sister and a few others.  That’s it! Everyone else just thinks I’m nuts.” He said, “Who cares what they think.  Why do you think you need their approval?  I don’t think your nuts.  I love  you and support you.”  I have been hurting and sad and needed approval?   He was right.  I know who believes in me. Who supports me wholeheartedly.  If I don’t want to be constantly frustrated I need to lower my expectations.  I don’t need those people in my life who don’t understand me and show no support for me. I guess what I am saying is assume that people won’t understand and just be glad if they do.  Can I tell you what a challenge that is for me.  Most people don’t get it, and the day I get that through my head the less disappointed I will be.



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